tv CNN Newsroom CNN May 21, 2011 10:00pm-11:00pm EDT
like crazy and people i think, on their tv show, they only get to see a small little portion of how great she is. but she's amazing. >> well, jesse, i wish you luck. >> thanks, piers. >> let's hope we don't have to meet in a couple of years with a terrible scandal coming down on your head. >> no, i think i'm done with all that. thank you. good evening, everyone. thank you for joining us. i'm don lemon in los angeles. anyone who's had an unfaithful partner knows it is a wound that never heals. but sometimes adultery goes beyond the immediate people involve. when the cheater is a wealthy or powerful person, the sense of betrayal can be far reaching. private decembe discretions -- l
clinton -- it affected the entire country that was tied up for a year with investigation and impeachment. so for the next hour in partnership with "time" magazine, we'll take a look at what makes powerful men who seem to have it all risk nerve for adultous sex. first a criminal -- hotel housekeeper. dominique strauss-kahn--former california governor arnold schwarzenegger publicly admitted fathering a child with his family's housekeeper more than a decade ago. and as cnn's tom tomorrforeman explains, these men are simply the latest in a gallery of cheaters. even in the midst of this sex scandal, the former california governor has plenty of company. >> i did not have sexual
relations with that woman. >> ever since bill clinton was caught fooling around 15 years ago, the public appetite for dirt have outed dozens of public figures for indiscretions. such public scandals have had an impact. newt gingrich led the charge against clinton, but twice had affairs of his own. senators david vitter and then senator john ensign have likely violated conservative family values. when the governor of south carolina, mark sanford was found with his argentine mistress, not on the appalachian trail -- >> i have been unfaithful to my wife. >> his wife suggested he take a hike. >> i frankly didn't know where he was. >> reporter: and it's not as if republicans have cornered the market on indiscretion.
>> because i did not want the public to figure out what i had done, it's that simple. >> john edwards -- something at first edwards denied. >> when you were running for president, you flat out denied having a relationship with reille hunter. >> he later came clean and his wife elizabeth now decreased left him and took their kids with her. other democrats former new york governor now cnn host paid for escorts, jim mcgreevy cheated with another man. but it's not just politics, in sports, quarterbacks breath favre and ben roethlisberger were accused but never charged with misconduct. >> i was unfaithful. i had affairs. >> reporter: and scandals have
enveloped george michael and jesse james just to name a few. knowing as a politician, an athlete and an entertainer, he is not alone. but then when you think about it, that was the whole problem. tom foreman, cnn, washington. >> sex, lies, arrogance, it's just a headline on the "time" magazine cover. it also reads what makes powerful men act like pigs. we put that question to the author of the feature story, executive editor nancy gibbs. >> it is not all men, by any means, but what we have found, all through history is that with opportunity seems to come an inclination to act on it. and the more wealthy and powerful and famous and accomplished men are, the more opportunity they have to misbehave. and what some social scientists have suggested is that the ordinary men who don't have an opportunity develop the muscles of monogamy, of self-restrained and delayed gratification.
but if over time you have all this opportunity, all of these women, then those muscles weaken and you end up with men whose success often also makes them feel entitled to take whatever they want and there's -- if it's available, then they are inclined to take it. >> how do you go from being a man in power, being a business person, being confident to what seems like as you have said, entitlement and really just narcissism, is there another way of putting it? >> you wonder what comes first, is it that narcissists who have a very high opinion of themselves, that that is an advantage in becoming successful, or does being successful make you think that the world should rekovl around you, maybe it's a little bit of both. but we find what's happening with celebrities in sports and entertainment as well as in politics, is that if you're surrounded by people telling you how special you and if you have
people vested in your success and will cover up when you misbehave, that does create another set of circumstances to take advantage of the situation where good judgment will say that you shouldn't. >> is it the thrill of getting away with it, nancy? >> for some men it is the excitement, that comes with feeling that they're special and the rules don't apply to them and the more often they're right, the more likely they're going to cross that line again. >> why are we having this conversation? it's because of two men. dominique strauss-kahn and actor and governor arnold schwarzenegger who admitted he had a child 15 years ago with a housekeeper. two cases with very different results. also the wife of
televangelist ted haggard, he was found to be having a relationship with a man. and many wito wives and par how do you keep your man from cheating on you. we have some advice. and if you have comments about tonight's subject, reach out to us on social media. you can write to me on twitter.com/donlemoncnn. we're adding new cell sites... increasing network capacity, and investing billions of dollars to improve your wireless network experience. from a single phone call to the most advanced data download, we're covering more people in more places than ever before in an effort to give you the best network possible. at&t. rethink possible. in an effort to give you the best network possible. and my dog bailey and i love to hang out in the kitchen. you love the aroma of beef tenderloin, don't you?
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up in a manhattan apartment, out on bail after allegedly trying to rape a hotel maid. our susan candiotti walks us through his scandalous past week. >> reporter: it was friday the 13th, the day before the alleged assault, when dominique strauss-kahn checked into a hotel in midtown manhattan. the head of the international monetary fund was looking for company. within minutes of checking into room 2806, he called the front desk and invited the female receptionist to join him for a drink, she declined. fast forward to the next day, around noon, a source tells cnn a male service attendant entered his room to retrieve service items. moments later a 20-year-old maid entered the room to clean. inside 62-year-old strauss-kahn
was naked in the bedroom and kahn chased her through the suite and forced himself on her. >> he forced her perform oral sex on him. >> reporter: about a half hour later, police say strauss-kahn checked out of the hotel. prosecutors contend he was rushing here to jfk airport for a flight to paris. the defense claims he was in a hurry to meet his daughter for lunch before heading here to the airport for a prebooked flight. soon after the alleged attack, the maid was reporteding the understa incident to hotel staff. around 1:30 in the afternoon, the hotel calleded the police. strauss-kahn called the hotel. on monday, a dishevelled
strauss-kahn wanswering charges. wednesday strauss-kahn resigneds a imf chief. he said, quote, to all, i want to say that i deny with the greatest possible firmness all of the allegations that have been made against me. in court thursday, supported by his wife and daughter, a clean cut strauss-kahn was granted some freedom. >> i have decided that i will grant a bail. >> reporter: after being rejected by another apartment because of a media crush, strauss-kahn is moving here to manhattan. he's under a court ordered 24-hour watch. his next court appearance, june 6. susan candiotti, cnn, new york. >> in "time" magazine's feature article called sex, lies, arrogance.
nancy gibbs points out that the allegations against dominique strauss-kahn are on a whole different level. not a cheater or liar, he's accused of being a predator. >> well, after this news broke, another woman came forward in france, talking about how when she went to interview him, when she was in her early 20s, she was a journalist, she was actually god daughter to his second wife, that that interview turned into an attack, that he initially was holding her hand, and then he -- but he ended up trying to rip her clothes off, trying to take her pants off, undoing her bra and her on the floor kicking him. she describes it as a violent attack. and at the time, this was in 2002, she never pressed any charges so the case was never investigated. her mother admitted to talking her out of it. and the reason was partly this was a very powerful man, and the
fear was that if this daughter came forward to accuse him, that people wouldn't believe her, that it was end up ruining her life. and so, you know, now all these years later, with the accusation of this episode in the hotel room, she has come forward, you know, the cynical view is women now come forward in order to cash in and the less cynical view is women now come forward because they think there's a chance that their stories will be believed. >> dominique strauss-kahn was expected by many to become the next president of france. that likely won't happen now. ahead this hour, how the case is playing out across the atlantic, it's not the same as what you're seeing here, definitely. but first, arnold schwarzenegger, how a 13-year-old secret about fathering a child with his housekeeper was finally revealed. create your own combination of two of our most tempting selections from favorites to new creations for just $11.99 during the festival of shrimp.
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we both love each other very much and we're very fortunate to have four extraordinary children and we're taking one day at a time. >> that was arnold schwarzenegger talking about his separation from his wife maria shriver just days before the jaw dropping revelation that he fathered a son with his family housekeeper. it's something he has hid from the world for 13 years now. imagine that.
our thelma gutierez. >> his wife and four children had been imploding in private when over the course of a week the scandal surrounding the other woman and their love child exploded in the media. it began on may 9 with the surprising announcement that the couple was separating after 25 years of marriage. >> we both love each other very much, we are very fortunate that we have four extraordinary children. >> reporter: then a week later a bombshell. schwarzenegger releases a statement confirming a los angeles times story that he had an extramarital affair and a child with a member of his household staff. and the next day, we learned who she is. the "new york times" identifies the woman as 50-year-old mildred who had worked in the schwarzenegger home as a housekeeper for 20 years. the child's birth certificate
obtained by cnn shows the baby, a boy, was born in 1987, just days after maria driver gave birth to her youngest son. the man who was named on the the couple separated just three weeks after the birth. she did have two older children from a previous marriage, her daughter jacqueline rosa has come to her defense. >> mom's a great woman. >> in january she retired from her job with the schwarzeneggers. >> she has kept a low profile according to neighbors, they also describe her son as going to a local middle school and they say that he's very polite, incredibly bright and well liked in the neighborhood. >> the son is a wonderful, very respectful, very intelligent young man. he's got great manners.
>> ever since the scandal broke, the teenager has not been seen at school. neighbors say neither the boy nor his mother have returned home. as for schwarzenegger, he was looking forward to returning to the big screen, he just announced three upcoming movie deals have been put on hold while he works on his personal life. maria shriver has stepped out to a roaring applause in front of 20,000 people. >> well schwarzenegger has faced sex scandals before, accused of groping and other bad behavior against women when he campaigned to become governor of california. in her article "sex, lies, arrogance" nancy gibbs takes note of how maria shriver took
the news. >> at the time maria shriver stood by him as a character witness, it was when more than a dozen women had accused him of this aggressive groping and harassing, and she said, i know him, take my word for it, he's a gentleman, he's a great guy. and that carried a lot of weight with voters. what's especially tragic and poignant this week that when he told her all this time he had a son that he had had with this housekeeper, she was not prepared to stand by that and she moved out. so we have no way of knowing what she would have done if she had known the truth back when she was defending him. >> okay, so we know many of the details, but none of them seem to answer the burning question, and that's why, what makes men who rise so high fall for one of the most primitive desires, and that's sex? our resident human behavior dr. wendy walsh joins us now and you're the author of "the
boyfriend guide." why do you think this keeps happening to powerful men? >> these are like the star hunters from our anthopast. today's hunters are the athletes, the actors, the wall street power brokers. >> high profile. >> they're risk takers, they want a sense of entitlement, it's never too much for them. but what is the psychological underpinning? could there be a bit of narcissi narcissism? the underbelly is actually a sense ofself-loathing. >> why do these wives stand by their accused men? >> well, women love love. women define themselves through their relationships. and their relationship and their attachment and the security of their family is sometimes far more important than losing him
physically. >> so why are they attracted to these bad boys? if they love love, maybe these men are not prone to that. >> there's certainly a chance they can have better opportunities with their children, more money, better education, everybody can eat better and live in nice houses, the gold digger if you will. but another piece is that bad boys are kind of a random interval reward system, they're like a slot machine in vegas, because you're hoping they do pay off. because when they do pay off in little dribs and drabs along the way, it's so nice. studies on infidelity, they're mostly self-report studies so people lie about money and sex. one study i came up with that seems to be the most valid says that about 60% of married men are unfaithful at some point. >> so men in power, should they
be examining themselves right now? and are they susceptible to this time of behavior? >> monogamy is more likely with men if they make an intellectual decision, an intellectual commitment to themselves to overcome their animal instinct. so the question is where are the rode models for these men. >> i want you to stick around, dr., wendy, in about 20 minutes we're going to talk about how a woman can stop a bad boy from playing her. >> exactly. there's signs she can look for to make sure she does not hire a bad boy as a boyfriend. >> dr. wendy, we'll sew you in just a little bit here. it's called a misconduct matrix. and if your spouse cheated on you, would you stand by him or her? when we come back, we'll talk
with gail haggard about why she decided to stay with her husband pastor ted haggard after he cheated on her. adding new cell. increasing network capacity, and investing billions of dollars to improve your wireless network experience. from a single phone call to the most advanced data download, we're covering more people in more places than ever before in an effort to give you the best network possible. at&t. rethink possible. i always keep it in the house. that and boston crème pie, white chocolate strawberries. [ female announcer ] yoplait light -- over 30 delicious flavors at about 100 calories. babe, what are you doing?! ♪ better than any other luxury brand. ♪ intellichoice proclaims that lexus has the best overall value of any brand.
made a misconduct matrix, it put -- >> we did not want to lump together all different kinds of behavior that just have to do with powerful men behaving in different ways that people disapprove of. obviously since the news this week is of dominique strauss-kahn, that's the most extreme case, if those charges are true, he's not a womanizer, he's not a fill lander, he's a violent criminal. so that's at one extreme. at the other extreme there are cases that are more a matter of hypocrisy, for instance a politician that presents himself as a family values champion, in the case of newt gingrich, another one who's coming up a lot this week. who was pursuing the impeachment of a president for lie about his
affair with an intern while he himself was having an affair with a white house staffer. so we're looking at hypocritical to potentially criminal. >> dominique strauss-kahn has been grouped with men like mike tyson who was convicted of rape. and for every cheater who losing their spouse like arnold schwarzenegger or tiger woods or jesse james as a matter of fact, there are many who manage to hang on to their significant others. but how can someone stick around after such an enormous betrayal. that's the subject of gail haggard, "why i stayed." she was married to ted haggard. the hag gars stayed married and opened up a church just last year. gail haggard is joining us live. it's right there in the title of your book, tell us why you stayed. >> well, i stayed because i knew
that my husband was so much more than the allegations that were being levelled against him and even his betrayal and i wasn't willing to let this negative behavior that was going on in my husband totally negate everything good that we had built into our lives. so i had to ask myself who i was going to be in this story and i was going to be a woman who fought for what i really do believe in. >> and gayle, i know you've met maria shriver and that's one reason you have decided to speak to us about this today. >> well, i think maria is a remarkable woman and i met her a couple of years ago when i spoke at the california women's conference. and i have admired her for many years, she is a courageous woman, a gracious woman, she has a big heart and i just want to speak out to say the complexities of these issues are beyond the judgments of all of us sitting on our couches watching. and that we need to give her the benefit of the doubt and know
that she's a smart woman, she's been smart all along, she has reasons for loving this man. and if she chooses to stay with him, we can respect that because she sees more than we see in this man. >> you know, can you broaden what you're saying to women or even men who may be watching and may have -- their spouses may have cheated or is cheating on them now? >> well, certainly, and my responses in why i stayed are not a one size fits all solution. but i think when you have a partner who has betrayed you, you have to look at the bigger picture and i think our human behavior is so complex that we cannot just categorize and just see the person through the lens of their failings. i am a person who embraces my christian faith, i understand the fact that people fail, that people are flawed. and i was willing to give my
husband the benefit of the doubt that even though he had messed up and it was very painful and we had a process to walk through, that he was also the man that i had loved for at that time 28 years. now 33 years. and i knew that there was so much more to him that was worth fighting for. >> i have to ask you this, you mentioned your faith. was your husband's scandal doubly worse for you because of the circumstances? and how hard was it for you to reconcile that with your nate? >> it was difficult for me to reconcile what i was hearing with the man that i knew. but as i chose to go through the process of counseling and trying to understand the situation, i began to understand the why, the root problem and understanding that, it helped me to forgive him and to get to the other side and i am so grateful that i stuck with it because i now have the marriage that i always
longed for and that is an open, honest, communication between the two of us where we really do trust each other and we feel safe with each other. >> gayle haggard, few so much for your candor, we appreciate you coming on and being willing to speak about this. thank you. >> thank you. do women behave badly like some men when they're in positions of power? or are they built differently? i'll put that question and others to dr. drew right after the break. your finances can't manage themselves. but that doesn't mean they won't try. bring all your finances together with the help of the one person who can. a certified financial planner professional. cfp. let's make a plan. [ whistle blows ] oh!
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if you really want to know what makes men tick and why the rich and powerful sometimes do stupid and damaging things, well, you won't find anyone better to ask than our very own dr. drew pinsky, post of "dr. drew" on our sister network hln. i talked to him about why m monogamy was important. his insight was dead on. >> we hear the salacious details, should we be surprised by this behavior especially when it comes to arnold? >> i think we shouldn't be surprised, but we should not endorse it or look away. number one is these people are our leaders and they set the cultural tone and what's
normative for our kids. and to some extent we have to remember that and we have to hold leaders accountable to be leaders. also behind the idea of sort of accepting men behaving badly, some sort of cultural endorsement that men gain power and money in order to act like this, which is a sad, sad indictment on the male psyche if that's indeed the case. and then finally people go, oh, if they hadn't gotten caught, this would have gone on indefinitely. the same is true of any problematic behavior. when people come to a psychologist torquesschoo psychologi psychologist, a psychiatrist, for treatment in addiction-- >> if women had the positions of power in our society, or are we just built differently? >> we are definitely built differently biologically, it's just the way it is.
but you're asking a question which is somewhat arguable, if indeed if we were a society run by women, where they had all the power, would they act like this? the probability is no. because their biological motivational priorities are just different. they're not going to act like that. but again, men are happier when they don't act like this. they're healthier when they don't act like this. so again, it's something that everyone can go, okay, i understand that men would behave like this, but to allow them to do so, and to give them a pass, it's a big, big mistake. >> so if -- are we -- marriage and monogamy, is this something that is an invention of the church, are we trying to do something with our bodies that our bodies aren't meant to do? >> there's no doubt again, particularly for men, every measure of health and happiness is improved when we're in a sustained, monogamous relationship.
it just is. so it's better for us overall. and this is an institution, that if there were not a lot of powerful forces in place that motivated us to stay in this through all these centuries, it wouldn't have survived. it does a lot of good for us, as individuals, as one who wants to be part of a family system, as head of a family system. there's a lot that men get out of being the head of a household. the single biggest issue is that we're living so long. so people have an urge to get married to escape their family of origin or to, whatever it might be, to reproduce in their 20s and they're going to live another 65 years. that's what it's unnatural about this. and people have to be really prepared for that, that this is a lifetime partnership that they better be ready to make. and, boy, in the early 20s, the data suggests we shouldn't be making it then.
>> that's a good point. we should been making it then. some marriages and some relationships sort of thrive on not being monogamous. >> again, i would argue, in my experience, that those are not people that are very happy. yes, there are people that will say, oh, no we're having an open relationship and all this stuff. and it works for a while but those are people who don't know how to achieve actual intimacy, because real -- >> it's okay to have children with more than one wife. >> having worked with couples that are happier and flourish more, real intimacy is a much healthier place for people to hang out. even if people have multiple wives, they at least have one that they're real intimate with. >> thank you dr. drew. and you have heard why men may cheat on their spouses.
but is there anything you can do to prevent it? our resident human behavior expert dr. wendy walsh joins me again with some answers, next. i want to know. building up our wireless network all across america. we're adding new cell sites... increasing network capacity, and investing billions of dollars to improve your wireless network experience. from a single phone call to the most advanced data download, we're covering more people in more places than ever before in an effort to give you the best network possible. at&t. rethink possible. down the hill? man: all right. we were actually thinking, maybe... we're going to hike up here, so we'll catch up with you guys. [ indistinct talking and laughter ] whew! i think it's worth it. working with a partner you can trust is always a good decision.
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first lady that the state ever had. >> all right covering all these cheaters begs the question, how can a woman stop her man from cheating and how can a man stop his woman, i guess. and for this we turn to dr. wendy walsh. when you say a woman needs to ask her man or potential mate several important questions, explain that to me. >> she has to find out several things if she marries a guy. not all men are born to be cheaters. look at his history of relationships, does he have a bunch of angry exs, has he fooled around before? how much guilt does he feel? did you know that men actually feel much less guilt than women? >> if you have a men sill and piece of paper, start writing this stuff down. fair warning. please continue. >> people their motive for behavior are shaped by how much guilt you feel. if you're dating a guy and he has no problem bending the rules at work even though it's going
to hurt a co-worker, chances are he's not going to find a lot of compassion for you when he's cheating on you. you want him to take pieces of you into that mental compartment and not have an affair. men feel the least amount of guilt in their 40s and 50s. >> they feel i have lived a little. >> something dr. drew addressed. does he fear emotional intimacy? emotional intimacy is the bond that keeps people together. men who have had a lot of physical relationships and not a lot of emotional ones. some studies have actually linked intelligent with monog y monogamy, meaning that you're smart announce to make that intellectual decision to go above your animal instincts.
>> they are smart. >> there's that other piece, that's narcissism, testosterone. biological predisposition. a lot of people -- >> what about women? they're like, don, you're bashing men. what about women? what about them? >> actually let me say this, right now we're seeing such a rise of sexual freedom for women as women are rising in economic power, there's no reason anymore for them to withhold their sexuality in order to hopefully get a man to marry them and support them. so women are starting to behave like men. i'm not joking. i got a call from a successful men who's rich who said all these women are following me home and they want to have sex with me, what do i do, because i want to have a real relationship. i told him keep it zipped because you want to get to know them first. >> you always make me blurb.
whenever i talk to you i know i'm going to blush. >> this is the image of dominique strauss-kahn here in the u.s. but abroad some men are viewed through a different lens, a report from paris next. hrimp. ending soon at red lobster. beer and wine, and cupcakes. i was doing the corporate grind, like everyone else. but to be successful, i knew i had to be different. ink, ink, ink, ink, ink... i mean i love that card. it does things differently too. great customer service, going above and beyond to help me out as a small business. it's accepted in twice as many places around the world as american express, and if i ever need to give my employees ink cards, they're free. announcer: make your mark with ink. chase what matters. go to chase.com/ink.
well, the arrest of dominique strauss-kahn was an eye opener for the people in france. seeing the potential presidential candidate paraded in front of the cameras appalled many people. the french media are learning a lesson about how they cover their own politicians. >> reporter: what was it that franklin roosevelt always used to say, there's no indispensable man? well, for some french who saw him as the next president, dominic strauss-kahn was about as close as you come. but put him in cuffs and in court and it wasn't 48 hours before they were writing him out of politics for good. wait a minute, go back a minute, you can't show a man in handcuffs in france, because the french people believe it implies guilt. in fact the strauss-kahn affair has been a learning experience
on both sides of the atlantic, but mostly here. for days, blase french journalists have been wondering how strauss-kahn made it up the social and political ladder without someone taking note of his dark side. the relationship between politicians and journalists is a questi question. >> there's fear in relation with power in france and maybe the journalists corps is not as powerful as united as it is in the u.s. in matters like that. in france, the problem is the relation is much more blurred and that's a very big problem that we should very much improve in that manner. >> reporter: as the deputy editor himself points out, everybody knows some politicians here fool around. that was lost on no one, especially after former president franz fran
president -- there are strict privacy laws to stop reporters from devilling into simple daal yanss. does that mean french women are more tolerant of extramarital behavior? a woman who's married to a political figure herself says yes and no. yes if you're talking about having an affair, and no if you're talking about the kind of thing that strauss-kahn is accused of. >> the relationship between men and women in france is more natural, more based on seduction, less obsessed with sin, and it's part of the charm of living here. but let's be clear, seduction is not sexual harassment, and of course it's not rape. rape is a crime and it's as much of a crime here in france as in the u.s. >> reporter: so as much as the strauss-kahn affair has embarrassed and scandalized people, it's inspired a debate
over questions which have a rarely been so openly discussed. >> so what causes men to behave badly? is it the adrenaline rush? is it just in their nature. some final thoughts with the host of hln's "issues" with jane velez-mitchell is next. it's true. you never forget your first subaru. then...over time... become dull... and lose their luster because washing in the bargain brand can leave dirt from the wash on your clothes causing your whites to get dingy. new improved tide plus bleach helps to remove the dirt in one wash
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i made the busineiggest mis of my life. i violated my wife's trust and that of my family. i did some things that were contrary to the things i believe and i made a mess of my life. >> that was ted haggard and you heard from his wife earlier. why do men behave badly? why do they cheat and shouldn't those who are married be afraid of getting caught? earlier i talked to the host of "issues with jane sevelez-mitc l
velez-mitchell velez-mitchell." do some men get a thrill out of not getting caught? oh, i got away with it. >> some of the bad boys like tiger have gone into rehab, the addictive cycle is to take very high-risk behavior because that supersizes the rush and the high. so when you're doing something bad and you're taking a risk at the same time, there is an adrenaline rush like no other. and from an addictive perspective, they may be subconsciously doing these very high risk things, simply to get that rush. >> and what about, do some of them want to get caught? i know when you're an addict, maybe that's a cry for help when you go to the very bottom. is this a cry for help from some of these guys? >> well, i think you have to separate the conscious from the subconscious. consciously they're trying to keep everything quiet.
but subconsciously they're doing things to self-sabotage because ultimately it's very, very stressful to carry around a toxic secret. it is like carrying an albatross around you. so there's a part of you subconsciously that wants the release of letting the secret out. so on some subconscious level, they do things that will ultimately result in the secret getting out. what does all this have in common? you cannot keep secrets about sexuality secret forever. it rarely happens. secrets do come out. >> and you know about it because you write about it in your book "addict nation." so you know firsthand about these things. here's my thing, what do we do from here with this information? because who's going to be the next person and salacious details are going to come out and we're going to be interested
in that person. is there a lesson to be learned for us? where do we go from here, jane? >> the lesson is that honesty is always an option, even when you don't think it is. for example, arnold schwarzenegger, he had this secret child. at some point, at many points along the line, he had the opportunity to turn to maria and say, look, something happened that i'm very ashamed of, yet it's a situation, there's other human beings involve, an innocent boy, i have to level with you, i've got to tell you what's going on. she seems like a very understanding person. she came to his defense when he was running for governor and he was accused by more than a dozen women of inappropriate sexual behavior and fiercely defended him. you would think she would have a sympathetic ear, if anyone would. and yet, he missed those opportunities to be honest. and look what's happened. the scandal has exploded in his face and there's a lot of people who think it's just going to get worse. so i think that the lesson here is that honesty is ys